Think I’m finally figuring things out. Isolation is the best thing for me because it forces the pain to the forefront to examine it. The more alone you are the more you are forced to face your two dimensional character traits and mutable feelings. Nothing about the ego or the persona, especially, is staid. Only by forcing an unquiet mind in constant flux to be still, to be quiet, to be alone, to turn within to disperse with the surface needs and the demands and to get into the dark of the self will someone like me ever have any kind of spiritual or intellectual progress.
The more I fashion my day to day life in a solitary manner of exercise, meditation, brutal honesty about my motivations for everything, and work, the more I’m forced to endure the pain of reality. The longer I do this the more of a habit I form until the practice becomes second nature.
The pain and void almost are becoming pleasant, the way fasting too long becomes more pleasurable than sating yourself once you get used to it. Time to fast on distractions, not feast on them nor feast on others.