widowhood

I want my own bed again

and I want to be alone

because that’s what

life is now

a series of good nights

to memories

private moments

which others

invade temporarily

in symbolic acts

of contrition and intimacy

merely signifying

soft betrayals

exhumed in the

burning of daylight

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now

not afraid of the abysm of death, afraid of the abyss within.

good-bye lion heart

I tragically and suddenly lost my dear husband last week and have had to temporarily halt my business – orders will be sent out after the funeral this week – thank you for your patience. rebecca@romepix.com i will fulfill all orders by later this week. romepix.com

there is a consolation i want to share with everyone right now – we did living wills – which i recommend – and i know he did not want to suffer or have life prolonged under certain irreversible states – he also believed in the soul – so if anyone has reached samadhi or peace or freedom, it’s Rian.

cold comfort when you see the void left in the world by the bright star and spark you will love forever, but it is a comfort all the same. it keeps you strong enough to honor their wishes and to try to live out what they would have wanted. they’re freer than us now, hard as it is for us to not lament how TOO SOON it is, lament all the joys they will miss out on, and not wanting to enjoy ANYTHING without THEM… but we know they want us to snap out of self pity and not only survive until it is our time, but to live FOR THEM. Also, he had an SAH, which means the damage was instantaneous and would not have been saved even if it happened in a hospital. Horrible horrible horrible condition but we could’ve would’ve should’ve doesnt apply. 

tomorrow is the traditional hindu ceremony. it is raining today. i will prepare my house for family. i will play his favorite chanting. i will make tea. i will love him always.

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The splendours of the firmament of time May be eclipsed, but are extinguished not; Like stars to their appointed height they climb, And death is a low mist which cannot blot The brightness it may veil. […]

— Percy Bysshe Shelley, “Adonais: An Elegy on the Death of John Keats”

A candle as it diminishes, explains, gathering more and more is not the way. Burn, become light and heat. Melt.

Rumi

beautiful and inexpensive art prints of italy

Interested in buying any of my images of Rome or in Italy?

The site sends professional lab large prints or posters direct to you.

You can make cards & books too. http://romepix.smugmug.com

Don’t see an image you wanted? Let me know, I add daily. rebecca@romepix.com

Have a poster printed of the Eternal City Rome. The Ruins and the Roman Forum shot on fine art portra 400 film with cupolas and marble and a sweeping view of Roma. Frame or tack up a stunning 16″x 24″ inch poster at the incredible price of a mere $79-$95!

Beautiful 12″x18″ Fine Art Roman Print of Venus / Aphrodite at the Vatican Museum. This is a GORGEOUS statue. 12″x18″ Glossy Shiny Kodak Endura professional paper finish, brighter than Matte only $40 PERFECT for framing or hanging on its own as wall art.

Beautiful 8×12 Portra Fine Art Film Print of Capri from the ruins of an Emperor’s palace. 8×12 Metallic – lustrous Kodak Endura professional paper – only $18.00 or rich 8×12 Lustre, Glossy, or Matte $17-$17.50

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eternal city

a love letter to rome

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Spend some time in the eternal city and you will feel death like a whisper on the back of your neck.

Go there young, when you still feel invincible, and watch the tombs and monuments to a crumbled past deathmask-smile at you.


Return after you’ve loved and lost a little, when you’ve begun to collect possessions interchangeably with memories, hold hands past paupers and ruffians and the modern courtesan; the tourist liaisons hovering by menus, beckoning, offering, waving.


Return again after you’ve lost more than you’ve loved but you still have a bit of youth on your side, and you can take in the big picture.


Return next when you’ve hit your peak and now the edges are fraying a little. When fountains and paintings once trumpeting romance and pleasure are grimier and more worn than you remember. When the seducers and the money takers suggest more pallid languor than…

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sunset on the tyrrhenian sea

a love letter to rome

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On a little boat floating around the island of Capri we gazed up at the rocks and watched as the sun slipped slowly down behind the cliffs.

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Old barricades, canon heavy forts by the English and later the French, ancient walk ways of Romans and shepards, medieval paths with goats grazing on them, modern swimming clubs and fashion designer villas now sprinkle the soaring cliffs of Capri.

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The sea is calm for a moment, the south wind changes, the sun slinks further down and there is an upheaval in the waves.

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The boat rounds the entrance to another hidden grotto.

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The famed Faraglioni rocks, with a boat passing under it’s arch. We are about to enter it ourselves.

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Another boat races us to get there first. And yet we are all at a leisurely pace here. We are on “Capri time” as the locals say.

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The shadows and light meet…

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let us lose ourselves 

a love letter to rome


Are they a shadow now? Can they hear your thoughts now that they’re ether, a chimera, soon to be dust? What becomes of love when you lose the object behind it?

To think you will join them one day; older, wiser, less you than they remember.

Your dust will never become theirs. There is no map to follow, no compass, no ship or footpath to take, no direction to fly in except to fling oneself back into space.

The will of love, the struggle, the battle for tender ownership is gone. They have vanished, you will vanish, it appears life is lived to once more succumb.


What are subterraneans to each other but cells divided once more and spread through the earth? That cold science of it, when emotions which once ran hot have now ended.

What is love but a bargain with a dream to not yet wake up?

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Cloud no. 81

a love letter to rome

Listening to classical music while flying through the air is something I do when traveling overseas. Here are a couple things I wrote, and the pieces of music I listened to while composing them.

detail Gentle Spring, c.1865, Frederick Sandys

My advice is to give your heart away — even though it may return to you in a different state. For then your heart has been in some subtle way changed each time you give it to someone or something.

And does it matter so much if someone else wants your heart?
The beauty of your openness is a sweetness which extends throughout an entire human life when there is so much bitter to the taste of the world. Loving is a kind of reverence to the best few moments we each have on earth. Loving, even without being loved in return, is the choice to chase beauty no matter…

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